What on Earth were the authors thinking
by divafire2
Summary: This is a series of one shots poking fun at some of the ridiculous plots on Fanfiction.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Twilight. Stephanie Myers does. So don't sue me 'cause that will not be okay.**

**So this is basically a series of one shots poking fun at the most ridiculous Fanfic plots. Please don't get offended.**

Bella POV:

"Oh no. I'm sooooooo sad." Bella moaned one morning to herself. Edward left me. Boohoo.

"I know! I'll go to the Volturi even though it would be easier to jump off a cliff."

***Some time later****

"I'm so depressed Aro. I want to die."

"But Bella why waste so much talent. I know I'll change you!"

***Couple of years later***

Edwards POV:

"I'm so sad without Bella. I have randomly decided to kill myself even though it makes no sense to suddenly want to kill myself after all these years." Edward mused to himself.

***Sometime later***

"Aro please kill me."

"No" Aro said with a ridiculous pout.

"Why?"

"Because. Bella's here."

"Yay."

*Enter Bella *

"Bella I only left to protect you please forgive me."

Bella's eyes filled with tears even though it's supposed to be impossible for a vampire to cry.

"No I hate you. You left me. I've moved on with Felix. He and I have secretly been having sex."

***Three hours later*

"Edward I realized that I still love you. I'll welcome you back with open arms even though you completely crushed my heart. Let's randomly have hot, steamy, vampire sex."

The End

**Okay. What did you think? Any grammar problems were done on purpose. If you have any ideas for my next chapter don't hesitate to tell me in a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys. Stephanie Myers own all things twilight. I however own delicious chocolate cookies yum... Wait... Don't think about cookies... Will stop writing and eat cookies... No snap out of it. Awww who the hell am I kidding. (15 minutes later) Okay I'm back and all my cookies are gone Curse you Myers now I don't own anything *pout*.**

"Edward I have made my decision." Bella told Edward. They were randomly standing in the middle of the forest with Jacob.

"But sweetie you already choose me. The wedding is in one week."

"Well... I have randomly decided that I'm not in love with you anymore and that I love Jacob."

"Where did all this come from?" Edward tried to point out reason to Bella.

"I dunno. The writer probably had writers block so they just threw some shit together without thinking it through."

"What are you talking about?" Edward believed that all the stress had taken its toll on Bella and that she had finally snapped.

Bella then turned to Jacob -who had miraculously stayed quite during the whole exchange- and began to rub herself up against him.

"Mmmm, Jacob I want you so bad."

Edward looked at Bella in shock. He managed to choke out one word. "What?"

Running a nail down Jacob's bare chest, because the dude seemed to not know that there was such thing as a shirt, Bella sighed.

"Jacob would you mind if I talked to Edward in private please. I would hate to jump you in the middle of a conversation with Edward."

Even though Jacob didn't trust vampires, he left.

With an exaggerated sigh Bella turned back to Edward. "Do I have to explain everything? Well the writer decided to make me an OOC because horny Bella seems to get the most reviews for stories."

"Bella you aren't horny. That isn't anything like you."

"Duhhhhhhh. That's why it's called an OOC."

***In the real world***

A writer sat by her computer thinking.

Her nails tapped against her desk. Her eyes stared at the words on her laptop's screen. Suddenly she had an idea. Wouldn't it be awesome if Edward was OOC too? OMG, people were just going to absolutely positively adore this FanFic. Although it might be strange that he randomly changed personality in the middle of the story.

With a shrug the writer threw her black, curly hair behind her shoulder. She didn't care. The only thing on her mind was all the reviews Darkward would get.

***Back to the fake world of Fan Fiction***

Suddenly Edward's stance changed almost predatory. His eyes darkened.

"If I can't have you then nobody can." Edward bit into her neck even though he was thoroughly opposed to changing her.

Suddenly Edward's family showed up. They helped kill Edward. Forgetting in the moment that they loved Edward with all their heart.

Jacob finally shows up. "Can't you guys do something?" He asked.

"Yes. I will suck the venom out her system." Carlisle said. With exaggerated slowness purely for the purpose of making a dramatic scene for a movie someday, Carlisle leaned in and began to suck the venom out.

Bella opened her eyes after Carlisle was finished. Then she jumped into Jacob's arm. And they went to live their happily ever after. Or so they thought.

***In the real world***

A groan escaped the writer's lips as she repeatedly banged her head against her desk. What was she supposed to write about now! Edward was dead and Bella was with Jacob. The perfect ending!

Like before an idea struck her and she smiled. She knew what to do. The readers wouldn't be disappointed.

***Back to the Fake world of FanFiction***

***Some time later after the whole Edward forest deal***

"Oh my God. Jake I feel horrible." Bella moaned into Jake's arm.

"I'm going for a walk."

Bella decide to wander out into the forest where she burst into a wolf. Instead of freaking out like the normal werewolf Bella thought it was cool and laid down to take a nap.

***Some time later***

Jacob found Bella in her wolf form. She had orange fur with blue polka dots.

"Hi Bells. Guess what I just imprinted on you."

"Yay. Lets go see Sam."

***Couple of hours later at a bonfire***

"Why did I change? I don't have any Native American blood in me. I mean I'm pretty sure Renee's my mom and she said Charlie is my father." Bella said to the elders.

Everyone went quite at the mention of Charlie.

"There can only be one explanation." Sam said.

I noticed that Billy seemed to be looking at anywhere but at me.

"The spirits descended upon your mother and planted you as a seed into her." Sam continued.

"Yeah." Billy said. "That's the reason." He nodded.

If anyone could have read minds they would have heard Billy's silent prayer. _Thank God we never explained the birds and the bees to them._

***In the real world***

The author nodded her head in contentment. She had finished the perfect story. She patted herself on the back before retiring to bed.

**Was it funny? Bad? Tell me in a review.**


End file.
